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I had no idea that my work on a motion picture would cause a high-profile death penalty case to end up with the California Supreme Court. Jesse James Hollywood had been gone for nearly three years by the time I became involved. He had totally disappeared. Vanished into thin air. And he seemed so completely removed from the writing project I was about to begin.

The FBI and other federal and local law enforcement authorities trails had all but dried up. That’s why the prosecutor assigned to the case, Santa Barbara County Senior Deputy District Attorney Ron Zonen, who had also prosecuted Hollywood’s four co-defendants &ndash and a guy named Michael Jackson &ndash agreed to work with us. Mr. Zonen had wanted to create a sort of global wanted poster to see if someone somewhere in the world might be able to ID Hollywood, pick up the phone, and help global law enforcement authorities nab him. Zonen had already worked with the producers from the television show America’s Most Wanted, who featured the fugitive on nine of its shows between 2000 and 2003, and he wanted his man, badly.

Hollywood’s name had become daily fodder for national headlines after word of the murder originally hit in early August of 2000. All the news pundits had named him as the ringleader of a band of middleclass, pot-selling social misfits, and the one responsible for orchestrating the fifteen-year-old’s kidnapping and murder. But no one apparently had a clue as to where he had disappeared to when I took the call from an old buddy who wanted to make a motion picture about the youngest man ever on the FBI’s Most Wanted List.

In April of 2003, writer/director Nick Cassavetes and I trekked up north to meet with Mr. Zonen at the Santa Barbara County District Attorney’s office. Ronald J. Zonen had been Chief Trial Deputy for the Santa Barbara County District Attorney’s office since 1991. He was an affable man with a smooth demeanor and when we were finished, he gave us several volumes of trial transcripts from Hollywood’s co-defendants, and we left. At the time, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey McGuire were set to produce Alpha Dog, and I had no idea that I’d end up writing a highly controversial novel based on the tragic story, or that I’d end up being a crusader in the battle to save Mr. Hollywood’s life. I was also not prescient enough to envision DiCaprio or McGuire falling off the project, nor Justin Timberlake, Bruce Willis, Sharon Stone, Anton Yelchin, Emile Hirsch, or Ben Foster climbing on.

After reading through the transcripts that Mr. Zonen had provided, plus others from Hollywood’s co-defendants’ trials and appeals, I realized we did not have enough information to write a truthful story about what had actually taken place. I talked this over with Cassavetes, and we agreed that I should go back to Santa Barbara to get more information from Mr. Zonen. We needed more detail and deeper insight into character and motivation for story purposes. We needed police reports, photographs, witness interviews and much more. And amazingly, we got them. I got Mr. Zonen’s entire file from prosecuting Hollywood’s four co-defendants, including copies of all the videos and audiotapes, the defendants’ confessions, the prosecutor’s trial notebook, the defendants’ psychological records and probation reports, and more. I also arranged to have Mr. Zonen &ndash along with the lead detective working the case &ndash take us up to Lizard’s Mouth, a trailhead located atop the mountains separating Santa Barbara and the Santa Ynez Valley, to discuss the murder with us at the very spot where the victim’s body had been discovered in a shallow grave some three years earlier.

This combined with all the information accrued from the interviews Cassavetes and I had conducted enabled me to prepare a 239-page story chronology that I used to help Nick write his screenplay. He went on to direct Alpha Dog and I set out to write my book. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, in March of 2005, after one of the greatest international manhunts in history, Jesse James Hollywood was captured in a Brazilian jungle, and I was about to be thrust into the legal hot seat.

James Blatt is one of America’s most astute criminal defense attorneys. He dresses like a zillion bucks and wears the disarming smile of a ruthless professional. After Jesse Hollywood’s capture, his father, Jack, who was a consultant on Alpha Dog, told Mr. Blatt about all the information I had gathered for the film and book projects; how I had become the world’s leading authority on the case. He thought I might be able to aid Mr. Blatt in trying to save his son’s life. When we met, Blatt questioned me about all the information I had gathered. By the time the meeting ended, the defense attorney appeared quite impressed with what he had heard. Later that summer, he asked me to testify in his client’s death penalty case. He wanted to build a record of all informational exchanges between Mr. Zonen and myself. He wanted to recuse the Santa Barbara County District Attorney’s office for prosecutorial misconduct for having turned over their file to me.

The only problem with this strategy was that my testimony was needed to do it. Since I was the only one to repeatedly meet with Mr. Zonen, I was the only one who could testify as to what he had given me. I found myself caught in a “Sophie’s Choice” type situation. If I testified, I could help save Jesse James Hollywood from death row. But at the same time, my testimony could be used as the cornerstone for criminal prosecution against Mr. Zonen and his office for what Mr. Blatt termed “illegal misconduct.” Since I’m totally against bringing death to any living being, I wanted to help Mr. Blatt save his client’s life. But on the other hand, Mr. Zonen had been very good to me. He had been totally cooperative in providing us with material for the movie and book. As conflicted as I felt, as much as I wanted to help save Jack Hollywood’s son’s life, I could not be responsible for bringing criminal charges against a man I considered a good friend. So I refused to testify. Ultimately, the California Attorney General agreed not to pursue criminal charges against Mr. Zonen or the DA’s office, and I reversed my position and agreed to testify.

In September 2005, Hollywood’s attorney filed a motion to recuse the entire District Attorney’s office. In support of the motion, Mr. Blatt declared that he had attended “the first and only public screening to date” of Alpha Dog, and that the film portrayed his client “in an extremely inflammatory manner, as extremely manipulative, vicious, selfish, and without any redeeming character traits whatsoever.” He further stated that several of the public movie viewers had described his client as being nothing short of a “monster,” and that at the conclusion of the film, special thanks were given to the Santa Barbara Sheriff’s Department and to Ron Zonen.

The trial court denied Hollywood’s motion, but ended up ordering me to turn over the notes and tapes from all the interviews I conducted. The defense then appealed the case. In its wisdom, the California Court of Appeal agreed with the defense and, after an evidentiary hearing by the trial court, recused Zonen (but not his entire office) from the case. In his concurring opinion, Justice Gilbert succinctly noted: “However appalling the crime for which defendant was charged, he, like anyone charged with a criminal offense, is entitled to a fair trial with all its attendant constitutional and statutory safeguards.” In this case, the prosecution had fallen short of this requirement.

Every high-profile case carries with it the risk of the prosecutor falling into the trap of cozying up too much with the media. Prosecutors, as well as other law enforcement agencies, often find themselves playing up to the media as if there are two trials to win &ndash the one in the courtroom as well as the one with the court of public opinion. When handling high-profile cases, prosecutors must take to heart the conflict of interest they create when buddying up to the media. They can easily become lost in the quest for personal glory or profit. This appeared to be what happened with the case involving the Duke lacrosse team, where the DA’s pretrial contacts with the media raised questions about his ability to handle the matter fairly, resulting in his recusal. There were similar complaints regarding the prosecution of the Jenna 6 case out of Louisiana.

Prosecutors do not represent clients. Rather, all decisions made in their cases are supposed to center around the best interests of the public. And part of these considerations must be to act responsibly when interacting with the media. There are certain guidelines they must follow to make sure their statements (and actions) do not materially prejudice a legal proceeding. According to the ABA Model Rules of Professional Conduct, prosecutors must make sure their comments do not have a “substantial likelihood of heightened public condemnation of the accused.” They must also be sure to prevent “investigators, law enforcement personnel” and other employees or persons assisting from making such statements to the media.

Prosecutors do, in the alternative, have certain First Amendment rights. However, again, those rights do not go unlimited when dealing with the media in a high-profile case. The prosecutor must still be responsible for pursuing a just result. He or she must act in a manner that puts the public’s interest above that of the individual prosecutor. Thus, their goal must be to make sure that justice is done in all instances, not that they win the case.

In the Hollywood matter, I was afraid that the Santa Barbara District Attorney’s office had lost sight of their responsibilities. They had continuously misrepresented the true facts and the motivations involved in the case to the media, and they seemed totally bent upon demonizing Hollywood and his co-defendants. For all intents and purposes, Hollywood, during his nearly five years of being at large, had been convicted in absentia. I believed there to be no way for him to receive a fair trial. Public sentiment wanted him dead for what they believed he had done. And this was due to the way the prosecutor and associated law enforcement agencies had dealt with the media. They acted as though their only goals were to assure that Jesse James Hollywood was not only captured, but that the public was set up to convict him and sentence him to death. True justice did not seem to be a part of their plan. I felt it my moral responsibility as a fellow human being to do what I could to make sure this did not happen.

I had no idea that my work on a motion picture would cause a high-profile death penalty case to end up with the California Supreme Court. Jesse James Hollywood had been gone for nearly three years by the time I became involved. He had totally disappeared. Vanished into thin air. And he seemed so completely removed from the writing project I was about to begin.

The FBI and other federal and local law enforcement authorities trails had all but dried up. That’s why the prosecutor assigned to the case, Santa Barbara County Senior Deputy District Attorney Ron Zonen, who had also prosecuted Hollywood’s four co-defendants &ndash and a guy named Michael Jackson &ndash agreed to work with us. Mr. Zonen had wanted to create a sort of global wanted poster to see if someone somewhere in the world might be able to ID Hollywood, pick up the phone, and help global law enforcement authorities nab him. Zonen had already worked with the producers from the television show America’s Most Wanted, who featured the fugitive on nine of its shows between 2000 and 2003, and he wanted his man, badly.

Hollywood’s name had become daily fodder for national headlines after word of the murder originally hit in early August of 2000. All the news pundits had named him as the ringleader of a band of middleclass, pot-selling social misfits, and the one responsible for orchestrating the fifteen-year-old’s kidnapping and murder. But no one apparently had a clue as to where he had disappeared to when I took the call from an old buddy who wanted to make a motion picture about the youngest man ever on the FBI’s Most Wanted List.

In April of 2003, writer/director Nick Cassavetes and I trekked up north to meet with Mr. Zonen at the Santa Barbara County District Attorney’s office. Ronald J. Zonen had been Chief Trial Deputy for the Santa Barbara County District Attorney’s office since 1991. He was an affable man with a smooth demeanor and when we were finished, he gave us several volumes of trial transcripts from Hollywood’s co-defendants, and we left. At the time, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey McGuire were set to produce Alpha Dog, and I had no idea that I’d end up writing a highly controversial novel based on the tragic story, or that I’d end up being a crusader in the battle to save Mr. Hollywood’s life. I was also not prescient enough to envision DiCaprio or McGuire falling off the project, nor Justin Timberlake, Bruce Willis, Sharon Stone, Anton Yelchin, Emile Hirsch, or Ben Foster climbing on.

After reading through the transcripts that Mr. Zonen had provided, plus others from Hollywood’s co-defendants’ trials and appeals, I realized we did not have enough information to write a truthful story about what had actually taken place. I talked this over with Cassavetes, and we agreed that I should go back to Santa Barbara to get more information from Mr. Zonen. We needed more detail and deeper insight into character and motivation for story purposes. We needed police reports, photographs, witness interviews and much more. And amazingly, we got them. I got Mr. Zonen’s entire file from prosecuting Hollywood’s four co-defendants, including copies of all the videos and audiotapes, the defendants’ confessions, the prosecutor’s trial notebook, the defendants’ psychological records and probation reports, and more. I also arranged to have Mr. Zonen &ndash along with the lead detective working the case &ndash take us up to Lizard’s Mouth, a trailhead located atop the mountains separating Santa Barbara and the Santa Ynez Valley, to discuss the murder with us at the very spot where the victim’s body had been discovered in a shallow grave some three years earlier.

This combined with all the information accrued from the interviews Cassavetes and I had conducted enabled me to prepare a 239-page story chronology that I used to help Nick write his screenplay. He went on to direct Alpha Dog and I set out to write my book. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, in March of 2005, after one of the greatest international manhunts in history, Jesse James Hollywood was captured in a Brazilian jungle, and I was about to be thrust into the legal hot seat.

James Blatt is one of America’s most astute criminal defense attorneys. He dresses like a zillion bucks and wears the disarming smile of a ruthless professional. After Jesse Hollywood’s capture, his father, Jack, who was a consultant on Alpha Dog, told Mr. Blatt about all the information I had gathered for the film and book projects; how I had become the world’s leading authority on the case. He thought I might be able to aid Mr. Blatt in trying to save his son’s life. When we met, Blatt questioned me about all the information I had gathered. By the time the meeting ended, the defense attorney appeared quite impressed with what he had heard. Later that summer, he asked me to testify in his client’s death penalty case. He wanted to build a record of all informational exchanges between Mr. Zonen and myself. He wanted to recuse the Santa Barbara County District Attorney’s office for prosecutorial misconduct for having turned over their file to me.

The only problem with this strategy was that my testimony was needed to do it. Since I was the only one to repeatedly meet with Mr. Zonen, I was the only one who could testify as to what he had given me. I found myself caught in a “Sophie’s Choice” type situation. If I testified, I could help save Jesse James Hollywood from death row. But at the same time, my testimony could be used as the cornerstone for criminal prosecution against Mr. Zonen and his office for what Mr. Blatt termed “illegal misconduct.” Since I’m totally against bringing death to any living being, I wanted to help Mr. Blatt save his client’s life. But on the other hand, Mr. Zonen had been very good to me. He had been totally cooperative in providing us with material for the movie and book. As conflicted as I felt, as much as I wanted to help save Jack Hollywood’s son’s life, I could not be responsible for bringing criminal charges against a man I considered a good friend. So I refused to testify. Ultimately, the California Attorney General agreed not to pursue criminal charges against Mr. Zonen or the DA’s office, and I reversed my position and agreed to testify.

In September 2005, Hollywood’s attorney filed a motion to recuse the entire District Attorney’s office. In support of the motion, Mr. Blatt declared that he had attended “the first and only public screening to date” of Alpha Dog, and that the film portrayed his client “in an extremely inflammatory manner, as extremely manipulative, vicious, selfish, and without any redeeming character traits whatsoever.” He further stated that several of the public movie viewers had described his client as being nothing short of a “monster,” and that at the conclusion of the film, special thanks were given to the Santa Barbara Sheriff’s Department and to Ron Zonen.

The trial court denied Hollywood’s motion, but ended up ordering me to turn over the notes and tapes from all the interviews I conducted. The defense then appealed the case. In its wisdom, the California Court of Appeal agreed with the defense and, after an evidentiary hearing by the trial court, recused Zonen (but not his entire office) from the case. In his concurring opinion, Justice Gilbert succinctly noted: “However appalling the crime for which defendant was charged, he, like anyone charged with a criminal offense, is entitled to a fair trial with all its attendant constitutional and statutory safeguards.” In this case, the prosecution had fallen short of this requirement.

Every high-profile case carries with it the risk of the prosecutor falling into the trap of cozying up too much with the media. Prosecutors, as well as other law enforcement agencies, often find themselves playing up to the media as if there are two trials to win &ndash the one in the courtroom as well as the one with the court of public opinion. When handling high-profile cases, prosecutors must take to heart the conflict of interest they create when buddying up to the media. They can easily become lost in the quest for personal glory or profit. This appeared to be what happened with the case involving the Duke lacrosse team, where the DA’s pretrial contacts with the media raised questions about his ability to handle the matter fairly, resulting in his recusal. There were similar complaints regarding the prosecution of the Jenna 6 case out of Louisiana.

Prosecutors do not represent clients. Rather, all decisions made in their cases are supposed to center around the best interests of the public. And part of these considerations must be to act responsibly when interacting with the media. There are certain guidelines they must follow to make sure their statements (and actions) do not materially prejudice a legal proceeding. According to the ABA Model Rules of Professional Conduct, prosecutors must make sure their comments do not have a “substantial likelihood of heightened public condemnation of the accused.” They must also be sure to prevent “investigators, law enforcement personnel” and other employees or persons assisting from making such statements to the media.

Prosecutors do, in the alternative, have certain First Amendment rights. However, again, those rights do not go unlimited when dealing with the media in a high-profile case. The prosecutor must still be responsible for pursuing a just result. He or she must act in a manner that puts the public’s interest above that of the individual prosecutor. Thus, their goal must be to make sure that justice is done in all instances, not that they win the case.

In the Hollywood matter, I was afraid that the Santa Barbara District Attorney’s office had lost sight of their responsibilities. They had continuously misrepresented the true facts and the motivations involved in the case to the media, and they seemed totally bent upon demonizing Hollywood and his co-defendants. For all intents and purposes, Hollywood, during his nearly five years of being at large, had been convicted in absentia. I believed there to be no way for him to receive a fair trial. Public sentiment wanted him dead for what they believed he had done. And this was due to the way the prosecutor and associated law enforcement agencies had dealt with the media. They acted as though their only goals were to assure that Jesse James Hollywood was not only captured, but that the public was set up to convict him and sentence him to death. True justice did not seem to be a part of their plan. I felt it my moral responsibility as a fellow human being to do what I could to make sure this did not happen.

I never considered myself a particularly spiritual, or for that matter, a religious person. But I’ve found that in writing The Osgoode Trilogy, particularly the third, A Trial of One, that compassion has become very strong theme which runs through all three novels.

I just found this quote from Thomas Aquinas &ndash “I would rather feel compassion than know the meaning of it.” Surely, this must be the difference between the understanding of the head and the heart.

In the first novel in the trilogy, Conduct in Question, we have a man dubbed by the media as the “The Florist” who is a serial killer &ndash so named because he tries to capture the easy flow of the line of the master painter, Matisse, in his carvings on his victims. He is a sadistic killer with an artistic bent.

You may feel [as I do] that the world has plenty of novels with serial killers and so, rather than detailing his rampages, I wanted to add some provocatively human touches to the character of the “Florist.” More than anything else, he wants to experience the emotion of compassion.

When he speaks to his mother, who is long since dead, he says in frustration &ndash “I know what the word compassion mean, mother, but what does it feel like?”

As the story nears its conclusion, the “Florist” gets his wish &ndasha fleeting sense of compassion. About to murder his next victim, John, who is a truly simple soul &ndash the church caretaker &ndash the “Florist” is overcome with a compassionate sense and decides to spare him.

When the Florist silently stepped into the room, a strange sensation passed over him. Was this what Mother spoke of? As if disoriented, he stopped and shook his head. Was this compassion?

“It’s you!” said John, his smile radiating a sweetness the Florist had never seen before. He saw the muscles of the huge man flex; John’s damp white shirt was matted to his skin. He saw the thinning but baby-fine hair, neatly combed in place. Suddenly he saw the simple man as more than an obstacle in his path. He thought that life could not have been easy for such an imbecile. He should be spared. Mother would be proud of his act of compassion.

In Final Paradox, our hero, Harry Jenkins learns that compassion means stepping into another’s shoes and understanding what it feels like. Easy to say &ndash hard to do! When Harry was eight, his father withdrew from almost all contact with his family after the death of Anna, his daughter &ndashHarry’s sister. Now, years later, while his father is in surgery for a brain aneurysm, Harry waits in the Quiet Room trying to understand how his father could have abandoned him as a child.

At the very moment of his asking, Harry gets his answer as he witnesses the following played out before him.

Harry caught his breath. An unearthly wailing came from the hallway. The door to the Quiet Room flew open. A tall, bony woman, wearing a mauve dress and yellow shawl, clung desperately to the arms of two men. One was old and hunched and the other muscular and attentive.

The florescent lighting illuminated the woman’s face raw with agony.

“No! No!” As if possessed, she shook violently and her voice slid up octaves. “By the blood of Christ, no!” Clasping her hands to her ears, she began to moan, her eyes ricocheting about the room.

She screamed at the ceiling. “Why have you cursed me? He cannot be taken so soon.”

Harry pressed his hands against his face. With all his heart, he wanted to pray. He had just witnessed the unholy wrenching of the spirit at the loss of a child, caused by blind hatred. As he touched the tears on his face, he began to understand. “God forgive me,” he whispered. “I have known nothing! My father died along with Anna. I did nothing to help.”

And that’s exactly where Harry begins to understand his father and compassion &ndash by actually experiencing his pain and loss. True, you may study compassion and quote clever sayings about it, but if you never feel another’s pain and suffering in your heart and your gut, as if it were your very own, you do not know what it is.

Do you think some people are naturally more compassionate?

In A Trial of One, Harry’s beloved, Natasha has her own struggles with compassion. She is forced to choose between two people she loves &ndash Harry and her friend Sheila. Natasha recollects a conversation, years back, between her mother, Renee, and her Aunt Mila. The boss has demanded that Renee sleep with him so she can advance in the business.

“Oh, Renee! You poor kid!”

After a long silence, her mother said softly, “Once we’d done it, his eyes looked so sad and ashamed, like being him just wore him down.”

Mila was aghast. “You felt sorry for him?”

“No, not really. But I can see how loneliness can make you crazy.” Afterwards, we talked a bit, sitting on the bed in the motel. He was living all alone there because his wife had run off with the kids.”

Natasha’s compassionate nature makes choosing between Harry and Sheila so difficult for her. Hurt and angry, Sheila has betrayed Natasha who now considers her next step as she wanders the beach.

Natasha turned and walked slowly past the riot of weeds and up to the cottage. Soon she would drive back to the city. She knew Harry was her passion, the one who had awakened her to herself. But she still heard Sheila’s cry &ndash one of all humanity &ndash because it hurts! Sheila’s pain, from fear of loss, was a pain shared by the whole world. She did not reach it by reason, but she knew there was only one thing she could do &ndash act with love, care, and compassion.

Talking about love and compassion… having to decide between two people who love her, [Harry and Sheila] Natasha must find that balance between passion and compassion. Easy to say: hard to do!

I never considered myself a particularly spiritual, or for that matter, a religious person. But I’ve found that in writing The Osgoode Trilogy, particularly the third, A Trial of One, that compassion has become very strong theme which runs through all three novels.

I just found this quote from Thomas Aquinas &ndash “I would rather feel compassion than know the meaning of it.” Surely, this must be the difference between the understanding of the head and the heart.

In the first novel in the trilogy, Conduct in Question, we have a man dubbed by the media as the “The Florist” who is a serial killer &ndash so named because he tries to capture the easy flow of the line of the master painter, Matisse, in his carvings on his victims. He is a sadistic killer with an artistic bent.

You may feel [as I do] that the world has plenty of novels with serial killers and so, rather than detailing his rampages, I wanted to add some provocatively human touches to the character of the “Florist.” More than anything else, he wants to experience the emotion of compassion.

When he speaks to his mother, who is long since dead, he says in frustration &ndash “I know what the word compassion mean, mother, but what does it feel like?”

As the story nears its conclusion, the “Florist” gets his wish &ndasha fleeting sense of compassion. About to murder his next victim, John, who is a truly simple soul &ndash the church caretaker &ndash the “Florist” is overcome with a compassionate sense and decides to spare him.

When the Florist silently stepped into the room, a strange sensation passed over him. Was this what Mother spoke of? As if disoriented, he stopped and shook his head. Was this compassion?

“It’s you!” said John, his smile radiating a sweetness the Florist had never seen before. He saw the muscles of the huge man flex; John’s damp white shirt was matted to his skin. He saw the thinning but baby-fine hair, neatly combed in place. Suddenly he saw the simple man as more than an obstacle in his path. He thought that life could not have been easy for such an imbecile. He should be spared. Mother would be proud of his act of compassion.

In Final Paradox, our hero, Harry Jenkins learns that compassion means stepping into another’s shoes and understanding what it feels like. Easy to say &ndash hard to do! When Harry was eight, his father withdrew from almost all contact with his family after the death of Anna, his daughter &ndashHarry’s sister. Now, years later, while his father is in surgery for a brain aneurysm, Harry waits in the Quiet Room trying to understand how his father could have abandoned him as a child.

At the very moment of his asking, Harry gets his answer as he witnesses the following played out before him.

Harry caught his breath. An unearthly wailing came from the hallway. The door to the Quiet Room flew open. A tall, bony woman, wearing a mauve dress and yellow shawl, clung desperately to the arms of two men. One was old and hunched and the other muscular and attentive.

The florescent lighting illuminated the woman’s face raw with agony.

“No! No!” As if possessed, she shook violently and her voice slid up octaves. “By the blood of Christ, no!” Clasping her hands to her ears, she began to moan, her eyes ricocheting about the room.

She screamed at the ceiling. “Why have you cursed me? He cannot be taken so soon.”

Harry pressed his hands against his face. With all his heart, he wanted to pray. He had just witnessed the unholy wrenching of the spirit at the loss of a child, caused by blind hatred. As he touched the tears on his face, he began to understand. “God forgive me,” he whispered. “I have known nothing! My father died along with Anna. I did nothing to help.”

And that’s exactly where Harry begins to understand his father and compassion &ndash by actually experiencing his pain and loss. True, you may study compassion and quote clever sayings about it, but if you never feel another’s pain and suffering in your heart and your gut, as if it were your very own, you do not know what it is.

Do you think some people are naturally more compassionate?

In A Trial of One, Harry’s beloved, Natasha has her own struggles with compassion. She is forced to choose between two people she loves &ndash Harry and her friend Sheila. Natasha recollects a conversation, years back, between her mother, Renee, and her Aunt Mila. The boss has demanded that Renee sleep with him so she can advance in the business.

“Oh, Renee! You poor kid!”

After a long silence, her mother said softly, “Once we’d done it, his eyes looked so sad and ashamed, like being him just wore him down.”

Mila was aghast. “You felt sorry for him?”

“No, not really. But I can see how loneliness can make you crazy.” Afterwards, we talked a bit, sitting on the bed in the motel. He was living all alone there because his wife had run off with the kids.”

Natasha’s compassionate nature makes choosing between Harry and Sheila so difficult for her. Hurt and angry, Sheila has betrayed Natasha who now considers her next step as she wanders the beach.

Natasha turned and walked slowly past the riot of weeds and up to the cottage. Soon she would drive back to the city. She knew Harry was her passion, the one who had awakened her to herself. But she still heard Sheila’s cry &ndash one of all humanity &ndash because it hurts! Sheila’s pain, from fear of loss, was a pain shared by the whole world. She did not reach it by reason, but she knew there was only one thing she could do &ndash act with love, care, and compassion.

Talking about love and compassion… having to decide between two people who love her, [Harry and Sheila] Natasha must find that balance between passion and compassion. Easy to say: hard to do!

After a long illness, my mother passed away in June 2006. Even though we all knew she had little time left, her death still came as a shock.

My brothers helped me write the eulogy, and I delivered it. I almost made it through, maintaining my composure and humor right to the end. But, final goodbyes are never easy. With the last sentence, a poignant and personal message to our mother from my brothers and myself, I lost it. To cry at your mother’s funeral is natural and expected. But being an author, and being comfortable with public speaking, I thought I could manage it. I humbly acknowledge grief trumped self-control.

And then there are the relatives and friends, many of which I hadn’t seen in decades. Of course, one must always be polite and gracious when someone offers condolences and a sympathetic hug. But, what do you do when you haven’t a clue who the devil the person is? Years pass, people change. More than once, I had to discreetly ask a trusted relative, “Who is that?” Then, I had to hide my shocked expression when I realized time has been kinder to me than to others of my bloodline, or to my old friends.

We got through it. At the luncheon after the funeral, I said goodbye not just to my mother, but to many aunts, uncles, cousins and friends &ndash some of which I would see again and some I know I will not. It is an odd experience, looking in the face of your own mortality. My father died ten years ago. And now my mother is gone. It becomes a reality check, to do what there is to do while there is still time.

That being the case, I am writing again. I am happily anticipating the release of my second book, Sins and Secrets. And I am thrilled to be an Aphrodisia author. It is a wonderful rush to jump back into the deep end of my life!

My Mother’s Eulogy

Welcome everyone and thank you for coming. We are here to remember and say goodbye to our Mother. She fought the good fight, being as tenacious as a pit bull and never giving up. But finally, after more than thirty years of dealing with various conditions and illnesses, she has found peace.

Mother was the sort of mother who never stopped worrying about her children, no matter what age we were. Were we eating well? Were we getting enough sleep? Were we staying well and not catching colds or the flu?

She kept after our father in the same way, but they were also a couple who enjoyed each other’s company very much. Mom and Dad were best friends as well as husband and wife. They had fun together. They loved to dance together, particularly the polka. They also often took us on joy rides to the local woods, sharing their enjoyment of the forest with us and showing us how to spot deer at sunset.

One of those rides wasn’t as much fun. Mom and Dad took us on an unmarked dirt road, trying to see some deer. Dad found himself down in a gully. He tried to turn around, and couldn’t. We were stranded overnight until lumbermen came to work the next morning and found us. Evidently the road was a logger road, not meant for passenger traffic. As I will explain in a moment, thanks to Mother’s planning, we were OK. It was scary, but it was kind of fun.

Both my brothers and I were all toilet-trained the same way. Mother’s technique was to be with us in the bathroom, run the faucet, and softly say, “Rain, rain, rain.” It worked. In fact, the suggestion has lasted the three of us into adulthood. With all the rain we’ve had the last few days, my brothers and I have needed to stay within easy range of a bathroom.

Mother loved music and sang in the choir. She particularly loved country music, which the three of us hated at the time. The Saturday night ritual was always Country Music Jubilee, then Hee Haw, then the Grand Ole Opry on the radio.

She loved gardening, both for glorious beautiful flowers and for food. Speaking of food, Mother made the best fried chicken. She put the Kentucky Fried Chicken secret recipe to shame. For holidays and family gatherings, she cooked tremendous amounts of food, and still worried whether there was enough for everyone to eat. And while she was cooking, she would sample the food, and at mealtime, while everyone else stuffed themselves, she couldn’t eat much more.

Mother had real artistic ability. One of the times she best displayed it was at Christmas. We always had huge trees and many decorations around the house, but Mother’s crowning achievement was found under the tree. She sculpted an elaborate village there, with mirrors for frozen lakes, pine seedlings, or “crow’s feet” for miniature trees, and boxes and props to create multilevel hills and mountains. She would cover the hills with white sheets and cotton to simulate snow. Her village was like Christmas Wonderland to us. My brother continues this tradition in his home.

Mother was the only girl in her family, and she got into hunting just as much as her brothers did. I’m sure a lot of you recall a character Johnny Carson played occasionally on The Tonight Show. His name was Floyd R. Turbo, American, and he would make silly editorial comments on the issues of the day, but dressed differently from other TV commentators. When Mother was going to go hunting, she would put on a red Woolrich jacket and a hat with ear flaps, the resemblance was pretty amazing. I couldn’t resist calling her Floyd R. Turbo, American. I think she was somewhat amused. Or else I would call her the Great White Huntress. And she was a successful hunter.

Remember what I told you about Mother being prepared when we were stuck on the logging road? Our Mother made emergency preparedness an art form. No matter where she went, she packed for any potential disaster. On picnics, we packed boxes full of food, enough for a small army, the grill, all the lawn furniture and extra clothes in case one of us fell into the water. When she went to my brother’s college graduation, she took the toaster and the coffee pot to the motel. And when she traveled anywhere away from home, we had to lock down the kitchen sink so she wouldn’t take it.

Through it all, Mother was motivated by her desire to do the best she could for us. Every night she would send us to sleep by saying, “Good night, sweet dreams, I love you.” For the rest of her life, she would continue to send us off with those words. So it is only fitting that now we are able to say the same to send her off.

So, Mother, good night, sweet dreams, we love you.

After a long illness, my mother passed away in June 2006. Even though we all knew she had little time left, her death still came as a shock.

My brothers helped me write the eulogy, and I delivered it. I almost made it through, maintaining my composure and humor right to the end. But, final goodbyes are never easy. With the last sentence, a poignant and personal message to our mother from my brothers and myself, I lost it. To cry at your mother’s funeral is natural and expected. But being an author, and being comfortable with public speaking, I thought I could manage it. I humbly acknowledge grief trumped self-control.

And then there are the relatives and friends, many of which I hadn’t seen in decades. Of course, one must always be polite and gracious when someone offers condolences and a sympathetic hug. But, what do you do when you haven’t a clue who the devil the person is? Years pass, people change. More than once, I had to discreetly ask a trusted relative, “Who is that?” Then, I had to hide my shocked expression when I realized time has been kinder to me than to others of my bloodline, or to my old friends.

We got through it. At the luncheon after the funeral, I said goodbye not just to my mother, but to many aunts, uncles, cousins and friends &ndash some of which I would see again and some I know I will not. It is an odd experience, looking in the face of your own mortality. My father died ten years ago. And now my mother is gone. It becomes a reality check, to do what there is to do while there is still time.

That being the case, I am writing again. I am happily anticipating the release of my second book, Sins and Secrets. And I am thrilled to be an Aphrodisia author. It is a wonderful rush to jump back into the deep end of my life!

My Mother’s Eulogy

Welcome everyone and thank you for coming. We are here to remember and say goodbye to our Mother. She fought the good fight, being as tenacious as a pit bull and never giving up. But finally, after more than thirty years of dealing with various conditions and illnesses, she has found peace.

Mother was the sort of mother who never stopped worrying about her children, no matter what age we were. Were we eating well? Were we getting enough sleep? Were we staying well and not catching colds or the flu?

She kept after our father in the same way, but they were also a couple who enjoyed each other’s company very much. Mom and Dad were best friends as well as husband and wife. They had fun together. They loved to dance together, particularly the polka. They also often took us on joy rides to the local woods, sharing their enjoyment of the forest with us and showing us how to spot deer at sunset.

One of those rides wasn’t as much fun. Mom and Dad took us on an unmarked dirt road, trying to see some deer. Dad found himself down in a gully. He tried to turn around, and couldn’t. We were stranded overnight until lumbermen came to work the next morning and found us. Evidently the road was a logger road, not meant for passenger traffic. As I will explain in a moment, thanks to Mother’s planning, we were OK. It was scary, but it was kind of fun.

Both my brothers and I were all toilet-trained the same way. Mother’s technique was to be with us in the bathroom, run the faucet, and softly say, “Rain, rain, rain.” It worked. In fact, the suggestion has lasted the three of us into adulthood. With all the rain we’ve had the last few days, my brothers and I have needed to stay within easy range of a bathroom.

Mother loved music and sang in the choir. She particularly loved country music, which the three of us hated at the time. The Saturday night ritual was always Country Music Jubilee, then Hee Haw, then the Grand Ole Opry on the radio.

She loved gardening, both for glorious beautiful flowers and for food. Speaking of food, Mother made the best fried chicken. She put the Kentucky Fried Chicken secret recipe to shame. For holidays and family gatherings, she cooked tremendous amounts of food, and still worried whether there was enough for everyone to eat. And while she was cooking, she would sample the food, and at mealtime, while everyone else stuffed themselves, she couldn’t eat much more.

Mother had real artistic ability. One of the times she best displayed it was at Christmas. We always had huge trees and many decorations around the house, but Mother’s crowning achievement was found under the tree. She sculpted an elaborate village there, with mirrors for frozen lakes, pine seedlings, or “crow’s feet” for miniature trees, and boxes and props to create multilevel hills and mountains. She would cover the hills with white sheets and cotton to simulate snow. Her village was like Christmas Wonderland to us. My brother continues this tradition in his home.

Mother was the only girl in her family, and she got into hunting just as much as her brothers did. I’m sure a lot of you recall a character Johnny Carson played occasionally on The Tonight Show. His name was Floyd R. Turbo, American, and he would make silly editorial comments on the issues of the day, but dressed differently from other TV commentators. When Mother was going to go hunting, she would put on a red Woolrich jacket and a hat with ear flaps, the resemblance was pretty amazing. I couldn’t resist calling her Floyd R. Turbo, American. I think she was somewhat amused. Or else I would call her the Great White Huntress. And she was a successful hunter.

Remember what I told you about Mother being prepared when we were stuck on the logging road? Our Mother made emergency preparedness an art form. No matter where she went, she packed for any potential disaster. On picnics, we packed boxes full of food, enough for a small army, the grill, all the lawn furniture and extra clothes in case one of us fell into the water. When she went to my brother’s college graduation, she took the toaster and the coffee pot to the motel. And when she traveled anywhere away from home, we had to lock down the kitchen sink so she wouldn’t take it.

Through it all, Mother was motivated by her desire to do the best she could for us. Every night she would send us to sleep by saying, “Good night, sweet dreams, I love you.” For the rest of her life, she would continue to send us off with those words. So it is only fitting that now we are able to say the same to send her off.

So, Mother, good night, sweet dreams, we love you.

Stuart Nachbar has created a curious novel in The Sex Ed Chronicles. Using a backdrop of 1980 New Jersey, we are introduced to the murky world of school politics. He has selected the contentious subject of compulsory Sex Education, however the subject could equally have been Religion or Evolution. All are subjects that have strong backers and equally strong detractors.

Schools and School Boards may not be the media favorites that the House or Senate may be. But make no mistake, the issues are as hotly contested, and the tactics used by the protagonists just as dirty as the big league politicians, maybe even dirtier, because of the lack of media attention.

The main character is rookie journalist Greg Mandell, just out of college, and working for not much money as a reporter for The Ocean Republic, a small New Jersey newspaper. The author uses Greg in an interesting way, he is by no means the hero, he is the conduit through which the story flows. The style of writing is innovative, the story unfolds in small nibbles each one prefixed with a title and tagline, much in the fashion of newspaper stories.

The action takes place between January and June in 1980. The New Jersey School Board decide to explore whether or not to include Sex Ed as part of its regular curriculum. Some schools have already adopted the subject and some have not. To resolve the issue a series of public forums are planned so that the matter can be decided. There is a quiet certainty that although there will be a few grumbles the majority will be in favor of teaching Sex Ed.

Rookie Greg Mandell is given the task of covering the Sex Ed story, an assignment that he really does not want to do. He quickly discovers that few wish to talk openly about the subject.

What looks at first sight to be a boring and mundane assignment quickly erupts into a firestorm of controversy when a supposed parent-backed group called PAST get involved. Led by the bombastic and bigoted rich widow Carolyn Lattimore, PAST are firmly committed to abolishing Sex Ed in schools, and to achieve their goal set out to establish their members on the various school boards.

Caught in the middle of the fray is a young history teacher, Andi Gilardi, who becomes the centerpiece of PAST’s diatribe after she permits some students to post a Sex Ed test in the school newspaper.

Greg finds himself torn between openly supporting Ms. Gilardi and jeopardizing his job, or supporting PAST who are large advertisers with the newspaper.

The Sex Ed Chronicles is a very thought-provoking work, the author has done a very fine job of writing about the political process, and the fashion in which political skirmishes take place. Like a chess game, mating your opponent’s King is easy once you have picked off the Pawns!

Great read, and if I was an English teacher this would be a book that would I would love to evolve a class around. The potential for gaining real world understanding from within the pages of this novel are huge.

Stuart Nachbar has created a curious novel in The Sex Ed Chronicles. Using a backdrop of 1980 New Jersey, we are introduced to the murky world of school politics. He has selected the contentious subject of compulsory Sex Education, however the subject could equally have been Religion or Evolution. All are subjects that have strong backers and equally strong detractors.

Schools and School Boards may not be the media favorites that the House or Senate may be. But make no mistake, the issues are as hotly contested, and the tactics used by the protagonists just as dirty as the big league politicians, maybe even dirtier, because of the lack of media attention.

The main character is rookie journalist Greg Mandell, just out of college, and working for not much money as a reporter for The Ocean Republic, a small New Jersey newspaper. The author uses Greg in an interesting way, he is by no means the hero, he is the conduit through which the story flows. The style of writing is innovative, the story unfolds in small nibbles each one prefixed with a title and tagline, much in the fashion of newspaper stories.

The action takes place between January and June in 1980. The New Jersey School Board decide to explore whether or not to include Sex Ed as part of its regular curriculum. Some schools have already adopted the subject and some have not. To resolve the issue a series of public forums are planned so that the matter can be decided. There is a quiet certainty that although there will be a few grumbles the majority will be in favor of teaching Sex Ed.

Rookie Greg Mandell is given the task of covering the Sex Ed story, an assignment that he really does not want to do. He quickly discovers that few wish to talk openly about the subject.

What looks at first sight to be a boring and mundane assignment quickly erupts into a firestorm of controversy when a supposed parent-backed group called PAST get involved. Led by the bombastic and bigoted rich widow Carolyn Lattimore, PAST are firmly committed to abolishing Sex Ed in schools, and to achieve their goal set out to establish their members on the various school boards.

Caught in the middle of the fray is a young history teacher, Andi Gilardi, who becomes the centerpiece of PAST’s diatribe after she permits some students to post a Sex Ed test in the school newspaper.

Greg finds himself torn between openly supporting Ms. Gilardi and jeopardizing his job, or supporting PAST who are large advertisers with the newspaper.

The Sex Ed Chronicles is a very thought-provoking work, the author has done a very fine job of writing about the political process, and the fashion in which political skirmishes take place. Like a chess game, mating your opponent’s King is easy once you have picked off the Pawns!

Great read, and if I was an English teacher this would be a book that would I would love to evolve a class around. The potential for gaining real world understanding from within the pages of this novel are huge.

Food writer, or Foodie, as they are known in the trade, Nora Franke is overfed and overwrought over a recent breakup with her long time boyfriend. “We need a break” he tells her, Nora decides that spending some time away from the bustle of New York is just the tonic she needs. Her solution is to take a temporary job as recipe consultant at a ritzy and very exclusive Spa in Baja. Nora is ecstatic, three months in a beautiful location and able to combine her love of food with the ever pressing need to shed the results of too many gourmet adventures in New York.

Life at a Health Spa is much like life on a Cruise Ship, time becomes compressed, most of the guests are only there for a week. Friendships that would normally develop over weeks or months, develop in minutes, alas also do animosities. Nora finds herself more accepted by the guests than the staff, and is quickly drawn into a group of loosely connected friends that come to the Spa every year for a few days of relaxation and reflection. This group of opulent and seemingly wealthy friends readily accepts Nora as if they have known her since kindergarten.

The setting seems idyllic for something bad to happen, and Helen Barer is just the author to do it! Helen herself is no stranger to the world of writing, she has a number of cook books to her credit, but this is her first foray into the murder mystery genre.

The first cracks in the Louis Vuitton luggage occurs the next morning when the body of Alan is found, in what appears to be a climbing accident on a nearby mountain. What Nora notices is the different reactions from the members of the group, from grief, to indifference, to maybe something more sinister. In the 50 years that the exclusive retreat has been in existence this is the first death the ranch has ever experienced, sprained ankles, and a mild heart attack from over exertion held the previous record.

There is a second death, one that can not be explained away as an accident. Now Nora is pulled into the web of deceit, what is going on, and who is responsible for these two deaths?

Nora is on the scent! She has no investigative training, just a dogged thirst to find the truth. Of course this may not be the best ‘recipe’ for a long life!

I liked this book a lot, I think this is a very fine first time effort, small enough at 200 pages to be a quick read, but long enough to develop the characters well. I suspect that we will be seeing more of Nora Franke in future books by Helen Barer. If you are looking for a fun and fast murder mystery I can recommend that you try Fitness Kills.

Fitness Kills is the first in a series of cozy mysteries by Helen Barer. Helen spent many years as a writer of non-fiction material, ranging from cookbooks to television documentaries. She is presently at work writing her next Nora Franke mystery.

Food writer, or Foodie, as they are known in the trade, Nora Franke is overfed and overwrought over a recent breakup with her long time boyfriend. “We need a break” he tells her, Nora decides that spending some time away from the bustle of New York is just the tonic she needs. Her solution is to take a temporary job as recipe consultant at a ritzy and very exclusive Spa in Baja. Nora is ecstatic, three months in a beautiful location and able to combine her love of food with the ever pressing need to shed the results of too many gourmet adventures in New York.

Life at a Health Spa is much like life on a Cruise Ship, time becomes compressed, most of the guests are only there for a week. Friendships that would normally develop over weeks or months, develop in minutes, alas also do animosities. Nora finds herself more accepted by the guests than the staff, and is quickly drawn into a group of loosely connected friends that come to the Spa every year for a few days of relaxation and reflection. This group of opulent and seemingly wealthy friends readily accepts Nora as if they have known her since kindergarten.

The setting seems idyllic for something bad to happen, and Helen Barer is just the author to do it! Helen herself is no stranger to the world of writing, she has a number of cook books to her credit, but this is her first foray into the murder mystery genre.

The first cracks in the Louis Vuitton luggage occurs the next morning when the body of Alan is found, in what appears to be a climbing accident on a nearby mountain. What Nora notices is the different reactions from the members of the group, from grief, to indifference, to maybe something more sinister. In the 50 years that the exclusive retreat has been in existence this is the first death the ranch has ever experienced, sprained ankles, and a mild heart attack from over exertion held the previous record.

There is a second death, one that can not be explained away as an accident. Now Nora is pulled into the web of deceit, what is going on, and who is responsible for these two deaths?

Nora is on the scent! She has no investigative training, just a dogged thirst to find the truth. Of course this may not be the best ‘recipe’ for a long life!

I liked this book a lot, I think this is a very fine first time effort, small enough at 200 pages to be a quick read, but long enough to develop the characters well. I suspect that we will be seeing more of Nora Franke in future books by Helen Barer. If you are looking for a fun and fast murder mystery I can recommend that you try Fitness Kills.

Fitness Kills is the first in a series of cozy mysteries by Helen Barer. Helen spent many years as a writer of non-fiction material, ranging from cookbooks to television documentaries. She is presently at work writing her next Nora Franke mystery.